LOVE & RELATIONSHIP 101 | Setting the right foot forward

Many relationships that were desired for happiness have often ended in emotional tragedies, heart break and frustration. Many have blamed the myriads of problems noticed in this area to lack of compatibility between the couples or would be couples. Is incompatibility really the problem? What about Hollywood actors and actresses that marry their colleagues in the same profession, with the same taste in fashion, movies, music and romance etc. one would suppose that they should be the last persons to divorce, yet realities point to a different conclusion. Some recent happenings in this area will suffice us. For more download the eBook Love & Relationship 101 | Setting the right foot forward.

Love and Relationship 101 is available as a free eBook guaranteed to help answer some of the most difficult questions concerning intimacy and your sexuality. Download your copy here, read it thoroughly and sign the covenant of purity card below. I will personally call to pray with you when you submit your signed form below. God bless you.

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COVENANT CARD FOR LOVE & RELATIONSHIP 101

Believing that God’s kind of love is the highest expression of God’s love and character, and it is worked out through obedience to His command that we should abstain from all forms of sexual immorality and pursue purity of heart and conduct. I am determined under God to abstain from all forms of sexual immorality and pursue purity of heart and conduct and wait for sex in a marriage relationship. Please pastor Ifiok, pray with me.

I will call you and pray personally with you when you submit this card. God bless you.

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WE MISSED IT: IT WAS NOT A VICTORY

It was a Sunday morning. The sun shone brightly and it resonated with my heart. God is going to save some people today. Just the thought of it stirred some excitement in me. I had prayed for this day and my expectations were high. I finally arrived at the Church I was to preach. The atmosphere was warm and there was a significant youth population. We sang and danced and it was glorious. Just then, the pastor called for those that had testimonies. Quite a few came out to share their testimonies. As I listened to testimony after testimony, it struck me so clear, these people are treating purchase of a new car, acquisition of a new home, winning of contracts, acquisition of an academic degree, promotion at the place of work, etc as their victory. Are these things really our victory or are they our blessings? Is there any difference between the two? Do these things in themselves have value in eternity?

It was not the first time I  heard it. Everywhere, stuffs are being celebrated as victory. A new house, new car, new jobs are celebrated as victory.  But Jesus said in Revelation 3:5 (NKJV)  "He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life; but I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels.” If we take these words from Jesus seriously, we will need to ask, is acquisition of a new house or car the victory that will clothe one with white and prevent ones name from being deleted from the book of life? How many financial breakthroughs, escape from death, promotion in our career, etc. will qualify us as overcomers? Could our victory be about something else, something that we do not commonly celebrate as victory, yet in the eyes of Jesus that is true victory?

Since it is overcomers or the victorious that will be in heaven, it follows that it is those that have been overcome or defeated that will be found in Hell. Hell is for failures and the defeated while heaven is for the victorious and overcomers. Jesus made it clear to us that people can gain the whole world yet are losers in hell. In Mark 8:36 (NKJV) Jesus said "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" In other words, gaining the whole world is not victory in the eyes of Jesus. Buying a new house, gaining promotion in career or winning a mighty contract are not victories in Jesus eyes because they have no value in eternity. However, what you use your house to do, has value in eternity and can be a victory for you. If you use your house to serve the Lord, it will be a victory for you. If you use your cars to serve the Lord, it will be a victory for you. We are all stewards of what God has given us. When we use what we have been given to serve God who is the owner, we are victorious. However, Satan want us to serve self. The entire world system is designed for serving self. If we fall into the trap of serving self, we have been defeated by the world. 

So, what we overcome as children of God is not primarily poverty, sickness or death but the world. The bible says in 1 John 5:4 (NKJV)  "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith." Our victory is a strong faith in Jesus that overcomes the system of doing and valuing things called the WORLD.  Jesus also overcame this system of doing and valuing things called the world. He said in John 16:33 (NKJV)  "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

The world is a system of doing and valuing things that is organized in opposition to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Satan's strategy is to use everything at his disposal to pressure you into accepting the world's way of doing and valuing things. Your financial difficulties, delays in getting someone to marry, ungodly conditions for promotion, sickness and disease, lack of suitable accommodation, unfair treatment at work, difficulty in getting university admission or job, are all tools Satan wants to use to get you to bow to the world system of doing and valuing things. Your victory therefore is in staying true to Jesus and refusing to bow to the world. This is the true victory that heaven acknowledges. This is what Jesus want us to see and accept as victory. He or she that overcomes this world system, is an overcomer and is born of God.

Therefore, those that enjoy promotion after compromising their faith have been defeated. Those that got someone hooked for marriage after submitting to fornication have been defeated. Those that got contracts after bribing officials have been defeated. Those that got houses after an illegal deal have been defeated. Their defeat is not in their desire for these things but in submitting to the system of the world in order to have them, that system that invite us to prioritize for the pleasure of self over the pleasure of God. Fortunately all is not lost, they can come back into winning ways if they repent and start obeying Jesus as their Lord.

According to the scriptures, the entire world system is controlled by three things, Lust of the Flesh, Lust of the Eyes and Pride of Life. When one is overcome by these things, that person cannot have the love of the Father in him rather it is the love of self that will prevail. This is why we are commanded, “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--comes not from the Father but from the world.” (1Jn 2:15-16 NIV).


As those that are truly born of God, let’s celebrate telling the truth more than buying a car. Let’s celebrate integrity more than wealth.  Let’s promote kindness more than purchases. Let’s celebrate humility above worldly status. Let’s promote sexual purity above wedding glamour. Let’s celebrate the day we were born again above the day we were born in the flesh, for what is born of flesh is flesh but what is born of Spirit is spirit. Let’s reprogram ourselves using heaven’s value system. It is then that the Church victory over the world will manifest with a brilliance that will make nations arise to the brightness of our arising. God bless you.

Written by Ifiok J. Ukobo

DON'T CARNALIZE IT

         Have You Ever Experienced This?

You’re sharing God’s viewpoint on a matter, and the person you’re talking to says, “Let’s be practical—don’t spiritualize everything.” When I hear Christians speak like this, I can’t help but wonder—if we’re not supposed to spiritualize it, are we meant to carnalize it instead?

Most times, when someone says, “Let’s be practical,” what they actually mean is, “Let’s look at this from the perspective of our five senses—what we can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell.” In other words, “Let’s stay grounded in what makes sense to us as physical beings.” But that’s precisely what it means to be carnal—being dominated by the senses. That doesn’t make us more human; it simply reveals we’re being unspiritual. Scripture says plainly:
“To be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” — Romans 8:6 (KJV)

One area where this carnal mindset is especially damaging is in love and relationships.

My wife and I were invited to minister in a church a few years ago on the subject of marriage. I spoke to husbands about loving their wives—not because their wives are always lovable, but because it’s a command from God. I explained that obedience to this command pleases God, invites His peace into the marriage, and stores up eternal rewards. The message to both husbands and wives was simple: Don’t treat your spouse based on what they deserve, but based on your obedience to God. This way, your response becomes a product of your reverence for God—not a reflection of your partner’s failures.

This mindset frees us to look past our spouse’s shortcomings and focus on what God requires of us. And husbands must take the lead in this. Scripture says:
“The head of every man is Christ…” — 1 Corinthians 11:3 (NKJV)
So if Christ is a man’s head, then Christ—not his wife’s behavior—should guide his actions. Whoever determines your response has become your head. When men reject Christ’s headship, they lose the authority to lead their homes.

Likewise, the Bible instructs wives:
“Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” — Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)
Again, this submission is not based on whether the husband is deserving but flows from obedience to God. When both spouses respond to each other out of fear and reverence for God, their marriage becomes a glimpse of heaven on earth.

During that church service, someone asked, “What should I do about my wife? When I married her, she was slim and beautiful. Now she’s as big as a young elephant!” The crowd laughed, but I simply replied, “Love your wife as Christ loved the Church.” Thinking I misunderstood him, he repeated the question. I gave him the same answer. At this point, he was visibly irritated and said, “You’re just spiritualizing this!”

For him, loving his wife when his senses weren’t pleased was unrealistic. But what he failed to understand is this: once you're born again, you’re no longer just a physical being. You are a spiritual man, and your choices must be led by the Spirit—not your senses.
“That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” — John 3:6 (KJV)
And again:
“He that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.” — 1 Corinthians 6:17 (KJV)

If sticking to Scripture means you’re “spiritualizing things,” then so be it. There’s nothing wrong with a spiritual person acting spiritually. In fact, that’s the way to life and peace. What’s dangerous is a spiritual person thinking and acting carnally. That brings death—death to relationships, death to morality, death to the abundant life Jesus came to give.
“It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing.” — John 6:63 (KJV)

God’s Word reveals the spiritual position on all matters. The “flesh” in this context refers to the body and soul trained by sin to be governed by the senses. If you want to experience the life Jesus promised, your body and soul must come under the discipline of the Spirit.

Now imagine that man chose to love his wife unconditionally out of obedience to God. That act of spiritual obedience would invite life and peace into his home. It would open the door for God to work in his wife’s heart—even regarding her weight.
“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” — Philippians 2:13 (NIV)

This principle applies to every part of our lives—career, marriage, fashion, politics, even science. If you are born again, you are a spiritual being. Walk in the Spirit or you’ll end up satisfying the desires of the flesh. Evaluate all things through a biblical lens. That’s the only way to live in true peace.

Prayer and fasting are powerful—but without walking in the Spirit, they yield little fruit. A spiritual person should live with only one perspective—God’s. All other viewpoints that oppose it must be cast aside.

Let’s restore life and peace in our homes, churches, and communities. Don’t carnalize it—spiritualize it.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” — 2 Corinthians 5:7 (KJV)

written by Ifiok J. Ukobo

A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN FROM THE EYES OF A GODLY MAN

         

What Kind of Beauty Attracts a Godly Man?

Understanding beauty through the lens of godly values

There are many kinds of men in this world, and what each one calls beautiful reflects the kind of man he is. A demon’s idea of beauty will look nothing like what an angel calls beautiful. That’s because beauty is not a standalone value—it springs from the values within a person. The same applies to godly and ungodly people alike.

Even advertisers understand this. They say, “Beauty brands – skincare, color cosmetics and hair care – can be vastly different in the consumer values they speak to and, as such, in the consumers they attract.” Beauty follows values. And when values are shaped by godliness, beauty takes on a whole new meaning.

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Who Does a Godly Man Call Beautiful?

So what kind of beauty catches the eye of a godly man?

Let’s look at the wisdom of Apostle Peter. He was a godly man, an apostle of Jesus Christ, and a married man who understood both spiritual truth and practical life. As his time on earth neared its end, he left this timeless advice to women who desire true beauty:

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
(1 Peter 3:3–4 NIV)

Peter highlights the inner beauty of a woman who trusts in God. This gentle and quiet spirit was the adornment of holy women in the past, and it remains the kind of beauty God treasures—and that godly men appreciate.

Godly men know this truth:

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
(Proverbs 31:30 NIV)

If your focus is only on outward beauty, hoping to attract a godly man, you may be disappointed. That approach usually draws shallow attention. True attraction comes from within—a spirit that fears the Lord and radiates grace.

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How Do You Know What’s in a Person?

You can’t measure a person by looks alone. The fear of God—or lack of it—is revealed in how someone handles life’s temptations, especially sin. Scripture says:

“By the fear of the LORD men depart from evil.”
(Proverbs 16:6 KJV)

People who justify or hide sin lack reverence for God. But those who confess and turn away from sin show true godliness.

When Samuel was sent to anoint Israel’s next king, he was impressed by Eliab’s outward appearance. But God corrected him:

“Do not consider his appearance or his height… The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
(1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

The lesson? God sees deeper—and so do godly men.

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Do Godly Men Care About Outward Beauty?

Absolutely! But they put first things first.

External beauty matters, but it must reflect something deeper. When God instructed Moses to clothe Aaron the priest, He said:

“Make sacred garments for your brother Aaron, to give him dignity and honor.”
(Exodus 28:2 NIV)

Aaron’s garments were to represent the holiness within. They were beautiful—not for vanity, but for the glory they expressed. Likewise, godly men appreciate beauty that reflects inner purity and strength.

A godly man admires modesty, propriety, and dignity. He’s not interested in seduction or immodesty. He appreciates a woman’s style when it complements her character, not when it competes with it. The beauty he values is whole and refined—it honors God.

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What Does a Godly Woman’s Beauty Look Like?

A beautiful woman in the eyes of a godly man dresses with grace. She doesn’t use clothes to hide insecurity or attract ungodly attention. Her appearance expresses dignity and a holy confidence in her identity as a woman created by God.

She isn’t trying to impress the world—she’s reflecting the glory of the God she serves. Her style is not about extremes, but balance. She’s not trying to become a sex object—she’s living as a vessel of honor.

This is beauty that’s defined by holiness.

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The Kind of Beauty to Avoid

Not all men define beauty the same way. Scripture describes some men whose desires are twisted by lust and greed:

“They have eyes full of adultery and never stop sinning… they are experts in greed… cursed children!”
(2 Peter 2:14 NIV)

These men are captivated by seductive beauty—what Scripture might call “Jezebel beauty.” It’s shallow, sensual, and self-serving. In today's world, many don’t even use the word beautiful anymore—they say sexy. The entire language of beauty has shifted.

Godly women don’t live by the world’s standard. They live by heaven’s.

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Final Thoughts: Becoming Beautiful in God’s Eyes

Godly men see beauty as God sees it. If your desire is to be found by a godly man, start with cultivating godly beauty. Let your reverence for God shine through your character, your choices, and yes—your appearance.

Let your inner life radiate outward. That’s the kind of beauty that attracts godly men—men of character, conviction, and calling. Men whose hearts are led by the Holy Spirit.

And when you walk in this beauty, you’re preparing not just for a wedding day—but for a life marked by righteousness, peace, and joy.

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Do you desire to become this kind of woman? Or are you a man seeking a woman with this kind of beauty? Let’s talk about how to grow in godly character and godly relationships in the comments below.

First written by Ifiok Ukobo as a contribution to the book "Unveiling the Daughters of Sarah". 

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[i] An article by Jennifer Haid, EdD Sr. Director, Consumer Strategist, Health/Beauty. Accessed from www.iconoculture.com (2010)

KNOW YOUR PURPOSE IN 5 MINUTES

So much confusion has attended the teaching of purpose sometimes through a well-intentioned zeal to motivate people for exploits. I have listened to preachers make reference to the late pop music icon, Michael Jackson as an example of one who discovered his purpose. Others point to some famous footballers as examples of persons that have discovered their purpose. The popular belief is that discovery of purpose is what makes one to excel and become wealthy and famous. Is this really true?

I had many questions such as; who determines my purpose in life? Is it me? If so, I would have to determine my success too? That does not make sense if I did not create myself. If my soul is designed to live forever, is my purpose for existence limited to life in this world only or does it continue in eternity? Do I have one reason for existence here on earth and another reason for existence in eternity?

The other option is to believe that God determines my purpose. This looks more like it because the purpose of a product is always determined by the manufacturer. As for me, God made me in His image and I did not evolve from either lower or higher animals. However, how am I supposed to know what His purpose for creating me is?

I was hoping to see a vision or somehow hear a voice telling me what my purpose is. However, that did not happen and many years of my life have already been spent. I began to wonder, what happens throughout the time of waiting to know my purpose? If I wait for 15 years before the answer, I would have spent 15 years wasting away. Is this what happened to Joseph and Moses? Was Joseph’s life before he became prime minister in Egypt a waste? What about Moses, how do we account for the 80 years spent before God called him to lead Israel to freedom? Did their purpose for existence begin with these significant assignments? What about people that may never receive such dramatic call from God? There were many unanswered questions in my heart.

Then came the idea that circumstances of life will impose a demand on me that can become my purpose for life. I was told that it may be something that infuriates me or something I am deeply pained or concerned about. At first, I was excited because I could identify immediately many things I was very passionate about. It did not take long before I began to question it. The idea sounded to me like leaving my purpose to chance without any objective standard for measuring whether I am right or wrong. What demands of circumstance will be big enough to qualify as my life’s purpose? What if I am deeply concerned about many things? Which one will qualify as my purpose? My questions where still not answered.

Then this one came and it got me. I was taught that my gifts and talents will determine my purpose in life. I loved this and taught it to many. I combined gifts and talents with desires and dreams and it almost looked perfect except for two things. I was multitalented with very many interests. I wanted to do everything and to make matter worse for me, I could pretty well do most of the things I set out to do. How then do I identify which of the many interests of my heart is the one my many gifts and talents are for? I started wishing I had just one gift or talent. Maybe that would have made my job easier. The second problem was the question of those that don’t know God but have just one gift and one interest. These people may have excelled in one thing and may have become reference points in their different fields. Does it mean that they have identified their purpose in life and have accomplished them? Can an eternal God that made us to live forever create us for temporal purposes? Why then did Jesus say “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.” (Joh 15:5 KJV). Why did He use the word ‘nothing’ to describe what is done without Him? Can one that is not abiding in Christ fulfill God’s purpose for his life?

Thanks be to God who is faithful and keeps His word that says “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” (Jer 29:13 KJV). My cries before God for answers resulted in God opening my eyes to see that my purpose in life has already been spelt out in the His Word, the Bible.

Evidently, it is better to get my purpose from the manufacturer than other products. This makes sense since we will all give account to God for how we lived our lives on earth. It also means that God is the one who determines whether my life on earth is a success or not. To do that God will measure my life against His purpose for me. Therefore God is the one I must go to for my purpose. I just didn't know how to get it.

Then I found out that the bible teaches that all humans exist for the same purpose. An Old Covenant prophet Isaiah, heard God say He created humans for His glory. The bible stated it this way; “Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.” (Isa 43:7 KJV). Paul the apostle of our Lord Jesus Christ brought it home succinctly when he wrote “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” (1Cor 10:31 KJV).

It follows that your life has just one purpose; to EXIST FOR GOD’S GLORY. You will receive many assignments from the Lord according to your seasons of life. Some people may receive assignments to be pastors, business men/women, sportsmen/women, musicians, prophets, housewives, teachers, politicians, etc. Some of the methods already discussed above may help us identify which assignment we should pursue. A call into any of these fields is often mistaken as our purpose for existence. No, these are not your purpose for existence, they are your assignments from God. God’s design is for you to use these assignments as vehicles for fulfilling your purpose of existing for His glory. You live for God’s glory by discharging your assignments and roles in ways that please God. 

Therefore, when you discharge your assignment/roles as a footballer, entrepreneur, husband, prophet, son, daughter, neighbour, pastor, politician, doctor, etc. in ways that please God, you are living for God’s glory and are fulfilling your purpose for existence. This is why the bible says “… Do all to the glory of God” (1Cor 10:31). When we fail to live out our roles and assignments  for the glory of God, we are living in rebellion and that is what the bible calls sin. Apostle Paul put it this way, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23 KJV). It means we have all at one time or the other failed to exist for God’s glory. This is our sin. Just as we burn unworkable items as refuse in the city kiln, many are in danger of burning in God’s garbage kiln called Hell unless they repent and make Jesus the Lord of their lives.

How do you know what pleases God in your roles or assignments? You have to study the bible to know that. The bible contains how God want us to relate with our parents, how husbands should love their wives, how wives should respond to their husbands, how employees should work for their employers, how leaders should lead and to what goal we should do all things. This is why God says in the bible "Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is" (Eph 5:17 KJV).

We please God by submitting to the will of God in all these areas. It means I should realized that being a pastor is not why I exist, it is simply  my assignment from the Lord. I can live out that assignment to God’s glory in which case I will be living up to the reason God created me. Or I can use that assignment primarily for fame and wealth in which case I will be pleasing me and not God. While doing that I may be deceived to think that I am fulfilling my purpose but I will be wrong. This is the reason many pastors and ministers may find themselves in Hell.

My dear brothers and sisters, no unbeliever can fulfill his purpose for existence. He/she must first come to Christ for this is the will of God. After that He/she must exist for the glory of Christ in all things. It is written, “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him” (Col 2:6 KJV)

You can fulfill your purpose at all times through all seasons of life by making sure that you exist for God’s glory in every assignment and role of your life.

Written by Ifiok Ukobo

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE MARITAL PROBLEM

Is marriage good or bad? How is it that Christians or even pastors do have bad marriages? These are questions that youths and adult in this generation are not sure of the answer. The popular slogan of the older generation about marriage institution is that “while older people are trying to get out of marriage, inexperienced youths are trying to get into it”. Recently I watched a Nigerian movie in which a counselor presented marriage as “a good way to end an enjoyable relationship”.

Many are becoming confused and frustrated in the quest for the truth. Is something wrong with marriage or with us?    The book of Genesis teaches that "It is not good that the man should be alone" (Gen 2:18).  In other words, it is good for the man to marry and marriage is good. In the book of Hebrews, God enjoined all to honor marriage and treat it as a pearl of great price. (Heb 13:4). Marriage is also a gift and a blessing from God. The scripture teaches that “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.” (Pro 10:22 KJV).

But why should something that God says is good and should be honoured by all taste so bad in my mouth. Why am I not enjoying something that God designed to be a blessing? This is not a difficult thing to decipher when you judge it in the light of other experiences common to man. I can remember when I was sick of malaria. My wife cooked my favorite meal of pounded yam and Afang Soup. Everybody said the soup was very tasty but it was bitter in my mouth. I could not eat the food though it was my favorite dish. Obviously, my wife had cooked a very delicious meal yet I could not enjoy it the way others did.  It was apparent that nothing was wrong with the dish but something was wrong with me. The malaria has affected my taste buds and caused them to malfunction. With malfunctioning taste buds, even sweet things tasted bitter.

In the same way, marriage is good and sweet but it takes the spirit filled life to enjoy it. When our lives are controlled by the Holy Spirit, we are healthy both spiritually and emotionally and we’ll respond to our spouse by the fruit of the Spirit such as joy, love, peace, gentleness, faithfulness, patience and kindness. This is when we can enjoy our marriage. However, when our lives are controlled by the flesh, we are sick and unhealthy and will respond to each other through the works of the flesh such as envy, jealousy, anger, bitterness, manipulation, etc. Consequently, we will be unable to enjoy the sweetness of marriage. Our emotional and spiritual taste buds will be like someone suffering from malaria and could not eat his best food because his taste buds are malfunctioning. In other words, when our marriage is not enjoyable, there is nothing wrong with the marriage, but something is definitely wrong with us. What is wrong with us is not incompatibility or irreconcilable differences as often mouthed by Hollywood stars. The reason we don’t enjoy it is simply the fact that we are sick in our soul.

We can therefore say that there are no such things as marital problems, rather, it is individuals in the marriage relationship that have problems of pride, unfaithfulness, unforgiveness, bitterness, competition, hate, lies, rebellion, jealousy etc. The bible teaches that “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom” (Pro 13:10 KJV). When we bring these problems into our marriage situation, it prevents us from having the kind of marriage God ordained for us to enjoy. Sin always destroy relationship. First, it destroys our relationship with God and then with our spouse. This is the reason for the strife and contentions experienced in our marriages.

The solution is simple. Get rid of pride, contentions will stop. Get rid of selfishness and suspicion and you will be able to give and receive love. Instead of spending all your time blaming your spouse as the culprit, ask the Lord to reveal the problems you have brought into your marriage. If you can identify your problems, repent of them and submit to Jesus, you will be amazed at how Jesus will heal you, reset your taste buds and make you enjoy your marriage again. If you desire complete wholeness, take the second step and confess your findings (fault) to your spouse and ask him or her for forgiveness. The bibles says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed…” (Jas 5:16 KJV).

Some people say that psychologist don’t believe these things are sins. They say pride, selfishness and anger are just bad emotions. Well, if they are right, you are doomed because there is no cure for bad emotions. However, if they are sins as the bible says, it is good news because there is a cure for sins. The bible says the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sins.

Enjoyable marriages are product of biblically healthy lives. You are healthy when you have denied self and have brought all aspect of your life under the Lordship of our Lord Jesus Christ. Enjoy your marriage.

Written by Ifiok J. Ukobo

If you will like to help support the effort to bring back Biblical Worldview to our churches and communities, send a request to Project Coordinator, Lifebuilders Resource. Email: tralright@gmail.com

ARE THE WORDS OF BILLIONAIRES AND SUCCESSFUL COACHES THE NEW TRUTH?

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." (Colossians 3:16 NIV)

Where do you look for inspiration?

Have you noticed that the words of billionaires, successful coaches, motivational speakers and world leaders, are taking centre stage as the new sources of inspiration? Many Christians now teach using the words of these icons as the reference point. Are we supposed to look to these icons for the truth? Are their words the truth we should live by? Have they been with the Father from the beginning and qualified to declare flawless reality? Is placing our confidence in the words of these icons a false confidence? On the other hand Jesus was with the Father from the beginning. The bible says of Jesus, "That was the true Light which gives light to every man coming into the world." (John 1:9 NKJV) . "For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." (John 1:17 NKJV). Jesus Himself said "...I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:6 NKJV).

Jesus through His apostle gave us two commandments in Col 3:16. First, "let the word of Christ dwell in you richly." Notice exactly what ought to dwell in us richly. It is not just any word but the Word of Christ. There are many supposedly good words from philosophers, motivational speakers and world leaders but it is not their word that ought to dwell in our hearts richly. Rather, it is the Word of Christ. If you are a Christian start majoring on the Word of Christ for your inspiration and not the words of man.

Second, "teach and admonish one another with all wisdom." What this simply means is that instructions and teachings should have the word of Christ as the knowledge that informs all other branches of knowledge. All branches of knowledge or wisdom ought to be shaped and judged by the Word of Christ. The Word of Christ should either confirm their ideas as right or condemn them as wrong. When this  happens, our lives will be controlled by the Holy Spirit over flowing into singing of psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with grateful hearts.

Is it practicable?

Is what the bible commanding really practicable in real life? The answer is yes because we have been given the capacity to know and retain the Words of Christ or He would not have commanded it. The bible says He is just and righteous and will not demand what He did not make provisions for.

The one who made the heart designed it with His Word as the operating system. Every heart therefore ought to delight in the Word of Christ. If your heart is not delighting in the Word of God, there is nothing wrong with the Word, it is an indication that your heart is sick. When you are sick, your best food can taste awful. Disease like malaria is famous for numbing the taste buds and cause victims to vomit what ordinary would have been a delight. In the same way, when hearts are sick, they cannot delight in God's Word and the Word of Christ cannot dwell in them richly. The only way out is to get true diagnosis of the sickness of the heart and take appropriate medication for healing.

Second, it is the will of God for your heart to be filled with the word of God. The truth is that your heart will be filled with either the Word of God or words of men simply because words are the operating software of the heart. When the Word of God fills your heart, your thoughts and imaginations are directed by the Word into doing the will of God. God told Joshua "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." (Joshua 1:8 NIV). David said "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." (Psalms 119:11 NIV). Those who do the will of God will outlast their problems, challenges, battles, difficulties and time. They are the overcomers just as the bible says "The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." (1Jn 2:17 NIV).

Third, unlike the word of man, the Word of Christ is not mere ideas and theories, they are life giving Spirit. Jesus said "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life." (John 6:63 NKJV). When the Word of Christ dwell richly in you, you experience the life of Christ that enables you to live supernaturally. Your means of expression will be the Word. The very life of Christ will manifest in all your works and words. People will see Christ in you. Your goal will be to please God.

However, substituting what appears to be 'good words' of icons for the Word of Christ is not the same thing as having the Word of Christ dwell richly in us. It is a counterfeit inspiration that will in the long run derail your faith. It will not achieve the same result as the Word of Christ in you. When the words of these icons are the ones that dwell in you richly, you will not be quickened by the Spirit of God but by the spirits behind these icons. Your life will resemble them and not Christ. Their words may sometimes lead to some form of earthly success but it will be at the cost of your soul. The only exception is when their words are products of the Word of Christ. Therefore when we hear these words, we must ask, which word of God supports their ideas? Sometimes an unbeliever may say things that are supported by God's word. In that case we still fix our attention on the Word of Christ, give credit to Christ for the idea and make occasional glances at how men and women have understood and rephrased them.

When the Word of Christ dwell in you richly

When the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, you will be ruled by the Spirit of God and naturally evaluate all of life from Christ perspective. When this happens, you are operating the mind of Christ. You are also judging all things as a spiritual man according to this scripture "The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one." (1 Corinthians 2:15 ESV). Your response to every situation in your life will be by the Spirit. Therefore the fruit of your life will be in line with the exhortation to "teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." This is the life of a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

Written by Ifiok J. Ukobo

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