LOVING HUSBANDS

 

At a Men’s conference, an elderly minister once asked all the participants a simple question: Do you love your wife? Every man responded with a resounding YES. They all understood the biblical command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25-27).

However, the minister challenged them further: “If I had just five minutes alone with your wives, you might find that they don’t all agree with your answer.” He wasn’t doubting that these men genuinely loved their wives. Rather, he questioned whether they loved their wives in ways that truly made their wives feel loved.

A loving husband sees his role in marriage as reflecting the love of Jesus Christ for the Church. Scripture says of Jesus, “Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end” (John 13:1, NKJV). Similarly, a loving husband is committed to loving his wife to the very end. This is God’s will, but it is a commitment that Satan will challenge. Sadly, many men give up, choosing passivity, separation, or divorce instead of persevering in this role.

Succeeding as a loving husband requires more than just heart preparation; it requires skill. Loving your wife is not only about your feelings but also about understanding how she experiences love. Most men love their wives the way they themselves want to be loved, but women often feel love differently. Therefore, being a loving husband demands both a heart full of love and the wisdom to know what makes your wife feel loved.

This wisdom is a gift from the Holy Spirit, because sometimes even your wife may not fully understand what she needs. The Bible instructs husbands to “dwell with your wives with understanding” (1 Peter 3:7). Husbands must seek God’s guidance to learn how to love their wives in ways that truly resonate with them.

The Bible offers some hints about what this love looks like, but it’s important to recognize that loving your wife the way she wants to be loved will not come naturally. It must be learned and practiced. Here are some ways you can make your wife feel loved:

• Communicate through your actions, choices, words, and attitude that she is the most important person in your life.
• Speak highly of her in front of others.
• Never harbour bitterness; always reassure her of your love and pray with her after difficult times.
• Express genuine appreciation for all she does.
• Apologize sincerely and admit when you are wrong.
• Never dismiss her feelings, even if they seem illogical to you.
• Give her your full attention and share your thoughts and feelings openly with her.

There may be many other ways specific to your wife that will make her feel loved. It is your responsibility to discover these and love her accordingly. Isn’t it comforting to know that just as Jesus knows and meets the needs of every sheep in His fold, loving husbands can also grow in their ability to meet the needs of their wives?

No husband can fulfil every need perfectly, but every husband can invest in increasing his capacity to love well. Loving husbands commit to making this investment.

THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

How should marriage be proposed, and who should initiate the proposal? Many people believe that both the man and the woman have an equal right to propose marriage to each other. However, the pattern presented in Scripture does not support this conclusion.

This misunderstanding often arises from an incorrect interpretation of the first biblical passage on marriage. Scripture declares:

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, NKJV).

Many assume this verse means that both the man and the woman leave their respective families to establish a new home. Yet the text explicitly mentions only the man leaving. He leaves the authority of his parents to establish a new household, becoming its earthly head while remaining directly accountable to Christ, his Head (1 Corinthians 11:3).

The woman, on the other hand, is not portrayed as independently leaving her father's authority. Rather, she is transferred from the authority of her father to that of her husband, a principle reflected in Numbers 30:1–8. This understanding also explains the long-standing custom of a woman taking her husband's family name after marriage, signifying her new household identity.

From the very beginning, God assigned the man the responsibility of leadership within the family. Reversing or blurring this order has significant consequences for both the family and society. Part of this leadership responsibility is taking the initiative to propose marriage.

Before proposing, a man should prayerfully seek God's direction until he is persuaded that he is being led toward a particular woman. Wise counsel from a pastor or mature Christian mentor may also help clarify his conviction. Having reached that conviction, he should approach the woman with humility, sincerity, and without any form of manipulation or pressure.

He should avoid statements such as, "God told me you are my wife," which can place undue spiritual pressure on the woman. Instead, he may simply say, "I have prayed about this and am convinced that God is leading me to you as the woman I should marry. Will you marry me?"

The woman should then prayerfully seek God's guidance and consult trusted spiritual counselors before giving her answer. While she should not rush such an important decision, neither should she prolong her response unnecessarily, as extended silence may reasonably be interpreted as a refusal.

Some may object to this position by pointing to Ruth's approach to Boaz as an example of a woman proposing marriage. Such an interpretation overlooks the legal and cultural context of ancient Israel.

According to the customs governing the kinsman-redeemer, Ruth was not free to marry just anyone after the death of her husband. Eligible male relatives first had the responsibility and the right to redeem her by marriage. Naomi therefore instructed Ruth to present herself to Boaz at the threshing floor because he was one of those qualified relatives.

When Ruth approached him, Boaz did not interpret her actions as an ordinary marriage proposal. Rather, he acknowledged his covenant responsibility toward her and commended her loyalty and godliness. Nevertheless, he informed her that another relative had a prior legal claim. Boaz therefore brought the matter before that nearer relative in the presence of the city elders. Only after the nearer kinsman publicly declined his right of redemption did Boaz lawfully marry Ruth (Ruth 4:1–13).

Consequently, this passage should not be understood as establishing a biblical pattern for women to initiate marriage proposals. Certainly, there have been instances where women have proposed marriage and the marriages have flourished. However, successful outcomes do not establish biblical principles. It is the commands, teachings, and patterns of Scripture that determine Christian practice.

Although Scripture presents the man as the one who should initiate the proposal, the woman can make it easier for him to approach her. Often, a woman recognizes before the man speaks that he is interested in her. If she is also interested, or open to considering him, she can encourage his approach through grace, respect, kindness, and humility. Such attitudes help reduce his fear of rejection.

Sadly, some women unintentionally project an attitude or facial expression that communicates, "Don't come near." Ironically, many of them inwardly hope that a suitable man will pursue them despite the signals they are sending. Unfortunately, many men simply accept those signals at face value, and a potentially fruitful relationship may never begin.

Ultimately, whom you marry is your responsibility and your choice, provided that, if you are a believer, you marry another believer (1 Corinthians 7:39). Yet while the choice is yours, God desires to guide you toward the wisest choice. Therefore, the righteous take seriously the exhortation of Scripture:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5–6, NKJV). 

By Dr. Ifiok Ukobo

Compatibility in Christian Marriage

Is compatibility between husband and wife of any real value in a Christian marriage? Yes—but in a very specific sense. A Christian is called to marry “in the Lord,” that is, to marry a fellow believer. Scripture makes this clear: “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39, NKJV). While there is freedom of choice, it is bounded by one essential requirement—shared faith in Christ.

This is crucial because true incompatibility exists at the level of nature and the values that nature produces. A person’s submission to God shapes how they see the world; their worldview forms their priorities, their priorities shape their values, and their values ultimately produce their character. When a believer, who is a new creation in Christ is joined to an unbeliever, the result is a fundamental mismatch—what Scripture describes as an unequal yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14). Such unions often lead to deep conflict and are best avoided.

But what about differences between two genuine Christians? These differences certainly exist, yet they are not true incompatibilities. They usually concern preferences, temperaments, or perspectives—not core values. For such differences, Scripture gives clear guidance: “with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2–3, NKJV). The issue, then, is not incompatibility of nature but unwillingness of heart. What we often label “incompatibility” among Christians is, in reality, a refusal to yield, adjust, and love sacrificially.

It is wise to exercise discernment and freedom at the stage of choosing a spouse. Once married, however, that freedom gives way to responsibility. The success of the marriage then depends on each partner’s response to God—choosing, out of reverence for Him, to make room for one another. In this sense, what appears to be a compatibility problem is often an obedience issue.

The good news is this: when both spouses are truly submitted to Christ, they are under the same Lord and guided by the same Spirit. No matter the initial challenges, obedience to God will bring alignment and resolution. As both yield to His direction, difficulties lose their power, and the enemy’s attempts to divide them are defeated.

Marriages outside of Christ present a different challenge altogether. Without a shared authority in God, unity becomes difficult to sustain. For those in such situations, the starting point is repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. From there, seeking biblical counsel and guidance becomes essential for building a stable and God-centered home.

By Dr. Ifiok Ukobo

When Love is Alive

The songwriter once said, “Where there is love, the shadows are all friendly, and evil finds no place to hide a fear.” That’s exactly what the Bible means when it says love believes the best about others, love covers a multitude of sins, and perfect love casts out all fear. This is the kind of love God had in mind for husbands and wives. It’s also the same love that purchased our redemption, gave us a home in heaven, made us part of God’s family, and even gave us His name—all while we were still sinners. As Scripture says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NKJV).

This is the love Christ shares with His Church forever. And through marriage, we’re given a glimpse—a foretaste—of that eternal love. It’s not something we can manufacture on our own. Human love, while capable of kindness, is ultimately self-centered. It often gives in hopes of receiving something in return. But divine love is different. It doesn’t look to the person being loved for a reward—it looks to God, the One who commands us to love, and it receives its strength from Him.

This kind of love is possible only because Christ’s love has been poured into our hearts. Sadly, many Christian couples still operate out of selfish, human love. It’s no surprise, then, that their love feels lifeless—or barely alive. Divine love thrives only when Christ is truly Lord of our lives. God’s solution to every problem is the same: make Christ Lord. And that includes your love life. Love your spouse the way Christ loved us—even when we were broken, unworthy, and hard to love.

We can’t fully experience Christ’s love while clinging to values and behaviors that oppose Him. It’s like trying to run a gasoline car on diesel—it simply won’t work. But when the Lordship of Christ fuels your love for one another, something beautiful happens: love comes alive. The hurting find comfort, and broken hearts are held close until the tears dry. In that kind of love, the shadows feel safe, fear has nowhere to hide, despair melts in the warmth of care, and hope rises like an eagle.

As we remember this season that Christ, our Passover Lamb, was sacrificed for us, may your new life in Him be a daily celebration of love and mercy, in Jesus’ name.

By Pastor Ifiok Ukobo 

EMBRACE CHRISTIAN EDUCATION FOR YOUR CHILDREN

The Bible teaches, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth” (Psalm 127:4). Just as arrows must be sharpened and aimed, children need to be shaped and guided with purpose. An education grounded in the Judeo-Christian tradition and rooted in biblical values serves not only to sharpen children intellectually but also to direct them along the right path in life.

There are various forms of education, but not all lead children in the same direction. Education shapes a child’s worldview, which in turn forms their values and ultimately their character. What is taught in classrooms today will influence the values society embraces tomorrow.

During the 1960s and 70s, the sexual revolution swept through Europe and America, gaining momentum largely through the education system. In the United States, Bible reading and prayer were removed from public schools, while alternative sexual lifestyles were introduced and normalized by educators. What began as fringe ideas has now become mainstream and, in many cases, legally protected and promoted. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “The philosophy of the schoolroom in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next.” Sadly, this has proven true.

When children are properly shaped and guided, they grow into individuals who can build and protect our communities. They become the innovators and problem-solvers of society—the ones who stand against threats at the gate. Scripture celebrates those who raise such children: “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court” (Psalm 127:5).

But if we neglect to educate our children rightly, we risk raising a generation that unknowingly aids the very forces working against biblical truth. Education should equip them with the skills and understanding of how God’s creation operates, enabling them to fulfill the divine mandate to steward and replenish the earth for His glory and for the good of all.

May God grant Christian school owners and parents the grace to work together in providing an education that not only sharpens children for life but also directs them to stand firm against anything contrary to biblical values and true human flourishing. May our children never become arrows that wound us instead. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

By Pastor Ifiok Ukobo 

Biblical Worldview Discipleship Opportunity

LIFEBUILDERS BIBLICAL WORLDVIEW DISCIPLESHIP
What is it about?

LIFE BUILDER'S DISCIPLESHIP IS OUR RESPONSE TO THE MASTER'S INVITATION.

      Discipleship occurs in the context of an invitation. The master (Jesus) invites us to see things through His eyes, and wants us to respond by committing to learn from Him, together with others who follow Him. The outcome of this commitment to Him would be a total game changer for us. Jesus said, “If therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” (Matt 6:22 KJV). In other words, we would not only arrive at the same conclusions with our lord Jesus Christ, but we would also live the same life He lived. At Life Builders Discipleship, we respond to the master's (Jesus) invitation by evaluating all of life (knowledge, ideas, practices, philosophies, principles, etc.) from Jesus’ perspective.

Join us as we meet online, specifically 2nd and 4th Saturdays of every month, 9pm - 10pm (GMT+1).

At Life Builders Discipleship, participation is free but resolute commitment is required. Every group member is recommended to take part fully in every session as the studies are interactive with free study materials. As the discipleship session is online, every group member will need a good Bible, a good internet connection by phone or laptop, and ear plugs for undisturbed communication.

To participate, fill out an application form here. You'll get a feedback with details on your participation.


About Pastor Ifiok Ukobo.

                Ifiok Ukobo, together with his wife, is a full time missionary at Lifebuilders Resource. He served as Vice Provost for Academics at Africa Centre for Theological Studies until 2009 when he resigned to give more attention to field discipleship. He continues to function at the institution as an adjunct faculty till date. He is the founder of Think Right and Live Right Club and Lifebuilders Resource, two ministry streams that resource Christian leadership in the Education Sector, the Church, and the general community.
                He has been involved in the training ministries for more than 20 years. He is also the convener of Lagos Christian Teachers Conference, Life in the Spirit Conference, Ministry leaders Biblical Worldview Training and others. He is the initiator of Biblical Worldview Discipleship and Training. A specialized discipleship strategy designed to help emerging Christians leaders defeat humanistic philosophies destroying proper biblical Christianity in this postmodern world era. This initiative has both an online version and local discipleship group version. He also served as a missionary with Campus Crusade for Christ for twelve years. He is the author of Worldview Wars, Love and Relationship 101, and numerous Articles and evangelistic tracts. He is married with children.

IS IT RIGHT TO CALL THEM CHRISTIANS?

Can a wife live in deception, relating to her husband dishonestly, and still be considered a true Christian? Can a husband engage in adulterous relationships while living a double life and still be rightly identified as a follower of Christ? I was genuinely surprised when, during a gathering last Sunday, most of the people I addressed answered “yes” to these questions. They argued that there should be no distinction between Christians and non-Christians, claiming that what is seen among believers is no different from what happens among unbelievers. Sadly, this conversation took place in a Christian setting.

This view is deeply troubling. The fact that self-identified Christians could express such an opinion reveals a serious crisis in our understanding of what it truly means to be a Christian. Is someone a Christian merely because they attend church, claim to believe in God, or hold a leadership role? Jesus made it clear that it is not difficult to discern who belongs to Him: “By their fruit you will recognize them…” (Matthew 7:16, NIV). That “fruit” refers to a life of surrender to Christ, where pleasing Him is the supreme priority. The Apostle John echoed this truth when he wrote, “Whoever says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person” (1 John 2:4, KJV).

Anyone who truly follows Jesus must believe this scripture and examine their own life in its light. We should stop labeling those who refuse to obey Christ as fellow Christians. The Bible says such people are not speaking the truth.

What disturbed me most about the responses I heard is the realization that no one can judge above the standard they’ve personally embraced. When people insist that there’s no difference between Christians and non-Christians, it may be because, deep down, they’ve made no genuine commitment to obey Jesus—just like those outside the faith. If that’s the case, then there’s a serious spiritual problem within the Nigerian Church.

It seems that, for many, the ultimate goal—whether believer or non-believer—is material and financial success. In this framework, Jesus becomes just another means to an end, just like charms or superstitions are to others. Success becomes the true lord, and obedience to Christ is only pursued when it supports the pursuit of wealth. But this kind of gospel cannot produce followers of Christ who are truly different from the world. As Apostle Paul warned, “Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil…” (1 Timothy 6:9–10, NIV).

Our commitment must be to Jesus—not to wealth. Otherwise, we risk falling into traps that bring ruin. This doesn’t mean we should avoid hard work. On the contrary, we must work diligently and trust God to bless us financially as part of our faithful service to Him. Laziness does not honor the Lord. Nor does compromising our integrity to survive, especially when God has equipped us with the ability to work and provide. That’s why the Bible says, “If you used to rob, you must stop robbing and start working, in order to earn an honest living for yourself and to be able to help the poor” (Ephesians 4:28, GNB).

God does desire to bless us materially, but we must never confuse material possessions with our true wealth. Real wealth is eternal—it’s what awaits us in God’s Kingdom. One clear sign that earthly wealth isn’t ultimate is this: no one takes it with them when they die. Everything we have belongs to Jesus; we are merely stewards. We must use our resources to fulfill His purposes for our lives. As Scripture reminds us, “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible… all things have been created through him and for him” (Colossians 1:16, KJV).

As long as material and financial gain remains our top priority, there will be no clear difference between a professing Christian and an unbeliever. But in the midst of today’s materialistic culture, a line is being drawn. This culture will ultimately expose who truly belongs to Jesus and who does not.

Make your allegiance clear. Choose Jesus above all else.