Compatibility in Christian Marriage

 Is compatibility between husband and wife of any real value in a Christian marriage? Yes—but in a very specific sense. A Christian is called to marry “in the Lord,” that is, to marry a fellow believer. Scripture makes this clear: “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39, NKJV). While there is freedom of choice, it is bounded by one essential requirement—shared faith in Christ.

This is crucial because true incompatibility exists at the level of nature and the values that nature produces. A person’s submission to God shapes how they see the world; their worldview forms their priorities, their priorities shape their values, and their values ultimately produce their character. When a believer, who is a new creation in Christ is joined to an unbeliever, the result is a fundamental mismatch—what Scripture describes as an unequal yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14). Such unions often lead to deep conflict and are best avoided.

But what about differences between two genuine Christians? These differences certainly exist, yet they are not true incompatibilities. They usually concern preferences, temperaments, or perspectives—not core values. For such differences, Scripture gives clear guidance: “with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2–3, NKJV). The issue, then, is not incompatibility of nature but unwillingness of heart. What we often label “incompatibility” among Christians is, in reality, a refusal to yield, adjust, and love sacrificially.

It is wise to exercise discernment and freedom at the stage of choosing a spouse. Once married, however, that freedom gives way to responsibility. The success of the marriage then depends on each partner’s response to God—choosing, out of reverence for Him, to make room for one another. In this sense, what appears to be a compatibility problem is often an obedience issue.

The good news is this: when both spouses are truly submitted to Christ, they are under the same Lord and guided by the same Spirit. No matter the initial challenges, obedience to God will bring alignment and resolution. As both yield to His direction, difficulties lose their power, and the enemy’s attempts to divide them are defeated.

Marriages outside of Christ present a different challenge altogether. Without a shared authority in God, unity becomes difficult to sustain. For those in such situations, the starting point is repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. From there, seeking biblical counsel and guidance becomes essential for building a stable and God-centered home.

By Ifiok Ukobo

When Love is Alive

The songwriter once said, “Where there is love, the shadows are all friendly, and evil finds no place to hide a fear.” That’s exactly what the Bible means when it says love believes the best about others, love covers a multitude of sins, and perfect love casts out all fear. This is the kind of love God had in mind for husbands and wives. It’s also the same love that purchased our redemption, gave us a home in heaven, made us part of God’s family, and even gave us His name—all while we were still sinners. As Scripture says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NKJV).

This is the love Christ shares with His Church forever. And through marriage, we’re given a glimpse—a foretaste—of that eternal love. It’s not something we can manufacture on our own. Human love, while capable of kindness, is ultimately self-centered. It often gives in hopes of receiving something in return. But divine love is different. It doesn’t look to the person being loved for a reward—it looks to God, the One who commands us to love, and it receives its strength from Him.

This kind of love is possible only because Christ’s love has been poured into our hearts. Sadly, many Christian couples still operate out of selfish, human love. It’s no surprise, then, that their love feels lifeless—or barely alive. Divine love thrives only when Christ is truly Lord of our lives. God’s solution to every problem is the same: make Christ Lord. And that includes your love life. Love your spouse the way Christ loved us—even when we were broken, unworthy, and hard to love.

We can’t fully experience Christ’s love while clinging to values and behaviors that oppose Him. It’s like trying to run a gasoline car on diesel—it simply won’t work. But when the Lordship of Christ fuels your love for one another, something beautiful happens: love comes alive. The hurting find comfort, and broken hearts are held close until the tears dry. In that kind of love, the shadows feel safe, fear has nowhere to hide, despair melts in the warmth of care, and hope rises like an eagle.

As we remember this season that Christ, our Passover Lamb, was sacrificed for us, may your new life in Him be a daily celebration of love and mercy, in Jesus’ name.

By Pastor Ifiok Ukobo 

EMBRACE CHRISTIAN EDUCATION FOR YOUR CHILDREN

The Bible teaches, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth” (Psalm 127:4). Just as arrows must be sharpened and aimed, children need to be shaped and guided with purpose. An education grounded in the Judeo-Christian tradition and rooted in biblical values serves not only to sharpen children intellectually but also to direct them along the right path in life.

There are various forms of education, but not all lead children in the same direction. Education shapes a child’s worldview, which in turn forms their values and ultimately their character. What is taught in classrooms today will influence the values society embraces tomorrow.

During the 1960s and 70s, the sexual revolution swept through Europe and America, gaining momentum largely through the education system. In the United States, Bible reading and prayer were removed from public schools, while alternative sexual lifestyles were introduced and normalized by educators. What began as fringe ideas has now become mainstream and, in many cases, legally protected and promoted. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “The philosophy of the schoolroom in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next.” Sadly, this has proven true.

When children are properly shaped and guided, they grow into individuals who can build and protect our communities. They become the innovators and problem-solvers of society—the ones who stand against threats at the gate. Scripture celebrates those who raise such children: “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court” (Psalm 127:5).

But if we neglect to educate our children rightly, we risk raising a generation that unknowingly aids the very forces working against biblical truth. Education should equip them with the skills and understanding of how God’s creation operates, enabling them to fulfill the divine mandate to steward and replenish the earth for His glory and for the good of all.

May God grant Christian school owners and parents the grace to work together in providing an education that not only sharpens children for life but also directs them to stand firm against anything contrary to biblical values and true human flourishing. May our children never become arrows that wound us instead. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

By Pastor Ifiok Ukobo 

Biblical Worldview Discipleship Opportunity

LIFEBUILDERS BIBLICAL WORLDVIEW DISCIPLESHIP
What is it about?

LIFE BUILDER'S DISCIPLESHIP IS OUR RESPONSE TO THE MASTER'S INVITATION.

      Discipleship occurs in the context of an invitation. The master (Jesus) invites us to see things through His eyes, and wants us to respond by committing to learn from Him, together with others who follow Him. The outcome of this commitment to Him would be a total game changer for us. Jesus said, “If therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” (Matt 6:22 KJV). In other words, we would not only arrive at the same conclusions with our lord Jesus Christ, but we would also live the same life He lived. At Life Builders Discipleship, we respond to the master's (Jesus) invitation by evaluating all of life (knowledge, ideas, practices, philosophies, principles, etc.) from Jesus’ perspective.

Join us as we meet online, specifically 2nd and 4th Saturdays of every month, 9pm - 10pm (GMT+1).

At Life Builders Discipleship, participation is free but resolute commitment is required. Every group member is recommended to take part fully in every session as the studies are interactive with free study materials. As the discipleship session is online, every group member will need a good Bible, a good internet connection by phone or laptop, and ear plugs for undisturbed communication.

To participate, fill out an application form here. You'll get a feedback with details on your participation.


About Pastor Ifiok Ukobo.

                Ifiok Ukobo, together with his wife, is a full time missionary at Lifebuilders Resource. He served as Vice Provost for Academics at Africa Centre for Theological Studies until 2009 when he resigned to give more attention to field discipleship. He continues to function at the institution as an adjunct faculty till date. He is the founder of Think Right and Live Right Club and Lifebuilders Resource, two ministry streams that resource Christian leadership in the Education Sector, the Church, and the general community.
                He has been involved in the training ministries for more than 20 years. He is also the convener of Lagos Christian Teachers Conference, Life in the Spirit Conference, Ministry leaders Biblical Worldview Training and others. He is the initiator of Biblical Worldview Discipleship and Training. A specialized discipleship strategy designed to help emerging Christians leaders defeat humanistic philosophies destroying proper biblical Christianity in this postmodern world era. This initiative has both an online version and local discipleship group version. He also served as a missionary with Campus Crusade for Christ for twelve years. He is the author of Worldview Wars, Love and Relationship 101, and numerous Articles and evangelistic tracts. He is married with children.

IS IT RIGHT TO CALL THEM CHRISTIANS?

Can a wife live in deception, relating to her husband dishonestly, and still be considered a true Christian? Can a husband engage in adulterous relationships while living a double life and still be rightly identified as a follower of Christ? I was genuinely surprised when, during a gathering last Sunday, most of the people I addressed answered “yes” to these questions. They argued that there should be no distinction between Christians and non-Christians, claiming that what is seen among believers is no different from what happens among unbelievers. Sadly, this conversation took place in a Christian setting.

This view is deeply troubling. The fact that self-identified Christians could express such an opinion reveals a serious crisis in our understanding of what it truly means to be a Christian. Is someone a Christian merely because they attend church, claim to believe in God, or hold a leadership role? Jesus made it clear that it is not difficult to discern who belongs to Him: “By their fruit you will recognize them…” (Matthew 7:16, NIV). That “fruit” refers to a life of surrender to Christ, where pleasing Him is the supreme priority. The Apostle John echoed this truth when he wrote, “Whoever says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person” (1 John 2:4, KJV).

Anyone who truly follows Jesus must believe this scripture and examine their own life in its light. We should stop labeling those who refuse to obey Christ as fellow Christians. The Bible says such people are not speaking the truth.

What disturbed me most about the responses I heard is the realization that no one can judge above the standard they’ve personally embraced. When people insist that there’s no difference between Christians and non-Christians, it may be because, deep down, they’ve made no genuine commitment to obey Jesus—just like those outside the faith. If that’s the case, then there’s a serious spiritual problem within the Nigerian Church.

It seems that, for many, the ultimate goal—whether believer or non-believer—is material and financial success. In this framework, Jesus becomes just another means to an end, just like charms or superstitions are to others. Success becomes the true lord, and obedience to Christ is only pursued when it supports the pursuit of wealth. But this kind of gospel cannot produce followers of Christ who are truly different from the world. As Apostle Paul warned, “Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil…” (1 Timothy 6:9–10, NIV).

Our commitment must be to Jesus—not to wealth. Otherwise, we risk falling into traps that bring ruin. This doesn’t mean we should avoid hard work. On the contrary, we must work diligently and trust God to bless us financially as part of our faithful service to Him. Laziness does not honor the Lord. Nor does compromising our integrity to survive, especially when God has equipped us with the ability to work and provide. That’s why the Bible says, “If you used to rob, you must stop robbing and start working, in order to earn an honest living for yourself and to be able to help the poor” (Ephesians 4:28, GNB).

God does desire to bless us materially, but we must never confuse material possessions with our true wealth. Real wealth is eternal—it’s what awaits us in God’s Kingdom. One clear sign that earthly wealth isn’t ultimate is this: no one takes it with them when they die. Everything we have belongs to Jesus; we are merely stewards. We must use our resources to fulfill His purposes for our lives. As Scripture reminds us, “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible… all things have been created through him and for him” (Colossians 1:16, KJV).

As long as material and financial gain remains our top priority, there will be no clear difference between a professing Christian and an unbeliever. But in the midst of today’s materialistic culture, a line is being drawn. This culture will ultimately expose who truly belongs to Jesus and who does not.

Make your allegiance clear. Choose Jesus above all else.

CAN I EVER GET OVER THIS?

It has always intrigued me. How Jesus left the glory and comfort of heaven for a life of suffering and death so that I might be redeemed. This is beyond imagination in a world in which people are always dreaming of more wealth, more comfort and more glory. Now, to make matters even more intriguing, Peter by inspiration of Holy Spirit wrote in 1 Peter 2:21-23 (NKJV)  “For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: “Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; Who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously”.

Am I really supposed to imitate Jesus in these things? Am I ready to give up any legitimate thing so I can accomplish for God something of eternal significance? Which wealth, comfort or glory can I readily lay down? Even if I give up any of these things, is it anything compared to what Christ had to give up for me? It is often easier to give up what is not worth much than to give up what is considered a fortune. This was the difficulty the rich young ruler faced when Jesus asked him to sell all that he has and give to the poor and come and follow Him. The Bible says in Matthew 19:22 (NKJV)  “But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions”.

As I ponder these things, my heart adores my Lord Jesus Christ for His great sacrificial love for me. I don’t need any other reason to be thankful to Him for the rest of my life. I know that He will give me many good things and I will witness His faithfulness in many more ways but every other thing pales in significance when compared to what He did on the cross. The words of the hymn is right on target when it says “There is no other argument, there is no other plea, it is enough that Jesus died and that He died for me”.

In the Old Testament, Habakkuk declared his commitment to joy in the Lord even when there seems to be no reason to do so. He said it so eloquently with these famous words “Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation" Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NKJV). However, in the New Testament we never lack a reason for thanksgiving. The fact that Jesus left all in order to die and rise again for our redemption is the greatest reason for thanksgiving. Paul wrote "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again" 2Co 5:14-15 (NIV).

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving up everything for me. You did for me what the rich young ruler could not do for the poor of his time. Even I, have not been able to do it as I should with consistency yet you did it for me.

THANK YOU LORD FOR YOU LOVED ME AND LEFT ALL TO DIE FOR ME SO THAT I MIGHT HAVE YOUR LIFE.

I PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE TO THE LAMB OF GOD THAT TAKES AWAY THE SIN OF THE WORLD 

Written by Ifiok Ukobo

Think Right and Live Right Club & Lifebuilders Resource

IF THIS IS YOUR CHURCH? JESUS IS OUTSIDE

Revelation 3:14–16 (NKJV):
"And to the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write, ‘These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.’”

We are living in a time that mirrors the condition of the Laodicean church. As we approach the end of the age, the rebuke Jesus gave to that church stands as a prophetic warning to us today. The primary issue they faced—and which we now increasingly face—is spiritual lukewarmness, hidden beneath a facade of religious activity. Christ's words to the Laodiceans serve as a wake-up call to a generation losing its fervor. If we can identify the root causes of this lukewarmness and apply the solution Christ gave, we can guard our lives, families, and churches from falling into the same trap.

What was the root of their problem?
Jesus revealed it clearly:
"Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked..." (Revelation 3:17–18 NKJV)

The issue was not wealth itself—God delights in blessing His people. The problem was that they judged their spiritual state using worldly standards. They assumed that material success equaled spiritual health. From their perspective, they had it all. But from Jesus’ perspective, they were destitute. This stark contrast highlights the danger of viewing life through a temporal lens rather than an eternal one.

Your perspective shapes your decisions, values, and priorities. When you see life through the world’s eyes, your conclusions will often oppose Christ’s. The Laodiceans believed they were thriving, but Jesus saw spiritual bankruptcy. They were materially rich but spiritually impoverished. This disconnect happened because they stopped seeing life from Christ’s eternal perspective and adopted the short-sighted values of their generation.

When the Church loses sight of Christ’s perspective, it begins to measure success and greatness the same way the world does. It might still claim to follow Jesus, but its values, pursuits, and message reveal otherwise. Such a church becomes active in programs but passive in devotion, busy in appearance but barren in spirit. They may celebrate worldly accomplishments, but to Jesus, these mean nothing if they hold no eternal value.

The lukewarm churches of the end times will be characterized by a form of false spirituality rooted in worldly thinking. To be “hot” for Christ in these days means to adopt His perspective on everything. Sadly, we often hear even pastors refer to ungodly individuals as “great” simply because they are wealthy. But would Jesus call them great?

Who does Jesus consider great?
Jesus said, “Whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches them will be called great” (Matthew 5:19 NKJV).
He also said, “Whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:1, 4 NKJV).

So, greatness in God’s eyes is measured by humility and obedience, not status or wealth.

As followers of Christ, we’ve been rescued from the kingdom of darkness and brought into His kingdom. Why then do many believers still use the values and terminology of the world? There's no such thing as “great in the world” versus “great in the kingdom.” God's definition is the only true one. The moment the Church starts celebrating worldly measures of greatness, it has already begun walking the path of the Laodicean Church.

A worldly mindset will always push Jesus out. That’s why He stood outside the door of the Laodicean Church, knocking and calling for repentance (Revelation 3:19–20). Imagine—Jesus outside His own Church, while those inside boast of His blessings! This only happens when Jesus and His people no longer share the same perspective.

As Christians, we follow Jesus. He is the ultimate expression of God’s heart, and His words are final. What He taught about greatness, marriage, giving, love, and eternal treasure is the standard. We don’t form personal perspectives apart from His. Hebrews 1:1–2 reminds us that God now speaks to us through His Son.

On the Mount of Transfiguration, God made it clear that Jesus is not on the same level as Moses or Elijah. He declared, “This is My beloved Son… Hear Him!” (Matthew 17:5 NKJV). Jesus is the final Word. His teachings even take precedence over the laws given through Moses.

So here’s the question:
Whose lens are you using to view life—Jesus’ or the world’s? Who will bring the Church back to the eternal perspective Jesus taught?

God is counting on you.

As Apostle John wrote:
“These people belong to this world, so they speak from the world's viewpoint, and the world listens to them. But we belong to God; that is why those who know God listen to us. If they do not belong to God, they do not listen to us. That is how we know if someone has the Spirit of truth or the spirit of deception.”
(1 John 4:5–6 NLT)

Written by Ifiok Ukobo
President: Think Right and Live Right Club and Lifebuilders Ministry
Email : tralright@gmail.com