LOVING HUSBANDS

 

At a Men’s conference, an elderly minister once asked all the participants a simple question: Do you love your wife? Every man responded with a resounding YES. They all understood the biblical command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25-27).

However, the minister challenged them further: “If I had just five minutes alone with your wives, you might find that they don’t all agree with your answer.” He wasn’t doubting that these men genuinely loved their wives. Rather, he questioned whether they loved their wives in ways that truly made their wives feel loved.

A loving husband sees his role in marriage as reflecting the love of Jesus Christ for the Church. Scripture says of Jesus, “Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end” (John 13:1, NKJV). Similarly, a loving husband is committed to loving his wife to the very end. This is God’s will, but it is a commitment that Satan will challenge. Sadly, many men give up, choosing passivity, separation, or divorce instead of persevering in this role.

Succeeding as a loving husband requires more than just heart preparation; it requires skill. Loving your wife is not only about your feelings but also about understanding how she experiences love. Most men love their wives the way they themselves want to be loved, but women often feel love differently. Therefore, being a loving husband demands both a heart full of love and the wisdom to know what makes your wife feel loved.

This wisdom is a gift from the Holy Spirit, because sometimes even your wife may not fully understand what she needs. The Bible instructs husbands to “dwell with your wives with understanding” (1 Peter 3:7). Husbands must seek God’s guidance to learn how to love their wives in ways that truly resonate with them.

The Bible offers some hints about what this love looks like, but it’s important to recognize that loving your wife the way she wants to be loved will not come naturally. It must be learned and practiced. Here are some ways you can make your wife feel loved:

• Communicate through your actions, choices, words, and attitude that she is the most important person in your life.
• Speak highly of her in front of others.
• Never harbour bitterness; always reassure her of your love and pray with her after difficult times.
• Express genuine appreciation for all she does.
• Apologize sincerely and admit when you are wrong.
• Never dismiss her feelings, even if they seem illogical to you.
• Give her your full attention and share your thoughts and feelings openly with her.

There may be many other ways specific to your wife that will make her feel loved. It is your responsibility to discover these and love her accordingly. Isn’t it comforting to know that just as Jesus knows and meets the needs of every sheep in His fold, loving husbands can also grow in their ability to meet the needs of their wives?

No husband can fulfil every need perfectly, but every husband can invest in increasing his capacity to love well. Loving husbands commit to making this investment.