Is marriage good or bad? How is it that
Christians or even pastors do have bad marriages? These are questions that
youths and adult in this generation are not sure of the answer. The popular
slogan of the older generation about marriage institution is that “while older
people are trying to get out of marriage, inexperienced youths are trying to
get into it”. Recently I watched a Nigerian movie in which a counselor
presented marriage as “a good way to end an enjoyable relationship”.
Many are becoming confused and frustrated
in the quest for the truth. Is something wrong with marriage or with us? The book of Genesis teaches that "It
is not good that the man should be alone" (Gen 2:18). In other words, it is good for the man to
marry and marriage is good. In the book of Hebrews, God enjoined all to honor
marriage and treat it as a pearl of great price. (Heb 13:4). Marriage is also a
gift and a blessing from God. The scripture teaches that “The blessing of the
LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.” (Pro 10:22 KJV).
But why should something that God says is
good and should be honoured by all taste so bad in my mouth. Why am I not
enjoying something that God designed to be a blessing? This is not a difficult
thing to decipher when you judge it in the light of other experiences common to
man. I can remember when I was sick of malaria. My wife cooked my favorite meal
of pounded yam and Afang Soup. Everybody said the soup was very tasty but it
was bitter in my mouth. I could not eat the food though it was my favorite dish.
Obviously, my wife had cooked a very delicious meal yet I could not enjoy it
the way others did. It was apparent that
nothing was wrong with the dish but something was wrong with me. The malaria
has affected my taste buds and caused them to malfunction. With malfunctioning
taste buds, even sweet things tasted bitter.
In the same way, marriage is good and sweet
but it takes the spirit filled life to enjoy it. When our lives are controlled
by the Holy Spirit, we are healthy both spiritually and emotionally and we’ll
respond to our spouse by the fruit of the Spirit such as joy, love, peace,
gentleness, faithfulness, patience and kindness. This is when we can enjoy our
marriage. However, when our lives are controlled by the flesh, we are sick and
unhealthy and will respond to each other through the works of the flesh such as
envy, jealousy, anger, bitterness, manipulation, etc. Consequently, we will be
unable to enjoy the sweetness of marriage. Our emotional and spiritual taste
buds will be like someone suffering from malaria and could not eat his best food
because his taste buds are malfunctioning. In other words, when our marriage is
not enjoyable, there is nothing wrong with the marriage, but something is
definitely wrong with us. What is wrong with us is not incompatibility or irreconcilable
differences as often mouthed by Hollywood stars. The reason we don’t enjoy it
is simply the fact that we are sick in our soul.
We can therefore say that there are no such
things as marital problems, rather, it is individuals in the marriage
relationship that have problems of pride, unfaithfulness, unforgiveness,
bitterness, competition, hate, lies, rebellion, jealousy etc. The bible teaches
that “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom”
(Pro 13:10 KJV). When we bring these problems into our marriage situation, it
prevents us from having the kind of marriage God ordained for us to enjoy. Sin
always destroy relationship. First, it destroys our relationship with God and
then with our spouse. This is the reason for the strife and contentions
experienced in our marriages.
The solution is simple. Get rid of pride,
contentions will stop. Get rid of selfishness and suspicion and you will be
able to give and receive love. Instead of spending all your time blaming your
spouse as the culprit, ask the Lord to reveal the problems you have brought
into your marriage. If you can identify your problems, repent of them and
submit to Jesus, you will be amazed at how Jesus will heal you, reset your taste
buds and make you enjoy your marriage again. If you desire complete wholeness,
take the second step and confess your findings (fault) to your spouse and ask
him or her for forgiveness. The bibles says, “Confess your faults one to
another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed…” (Jas 5:16 KJV).
Some people say that psychologist don’t believe
these things are sins. They say pride, selfishness and anger are just bad
emotions. Well, if they are right, you are doomed because there is no cure for
bad emotions. However, if they are sins as the bible says, it is good news
because there is a cure for sins. The bible says the blood of Jesus cleanses us
from all sins.
Enjoyable marriages are product of
biblically healthy lives. You are healthy when you have denied self and have
brought all aspect of your life under the Lordship of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Enjoy your marriage.
Written by Ifiok J. Ukobo
If you will like to help support the effort to bring back Biblical Worldview to our churches and communities, send a request to Project Coordinator, Lifebuilders Resource. Email: tralright@gmail.com
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