A good marriage needs a good preparation. Most often people know this as the truth, so they try to prepare for their marriage but most of the time preparations are made in the wrong direction. Many ladies prepare for marriage by accumulating and wearing sexy clothes; such will only attract men of low value in whose eyes sexy clothes is a priority. Some young men work hard to get a good car and the latest gadgets with which to impress ladies around them. In their minds they are certain that with those things they will attract and marry the best. Unknown to them, they will only attract ladies of low worth that have cars and gadgets as their priority. A man once cried out a few months after his wedding saying, “I got married to a personality but now I’ve got to live with a character”.
It is okay to look neat and attractive as you prepare for marriage. It is also okay to work for and get the things you will need for your family, things such as cars and home gadgets. But the greatest and most far reaching preparation you will ever make is a character preparation. A good character is simply a Christ like character. Character preparation is simply a life of striving to conform to Christ in our relationship with others. The Bible says “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 (NIV).
Why do you need a character preparation? Because it affects your choice of who to marry. You cannot choose above the standard you have embraced for your own life. The standard you have for your life is the standard you will use to judge the person you will marry. If you have a low standard, you will marry a low standard. The key to marrying a good person is that you should first become a good person. God told the elders of Israel that came to Ezekiel to enquire of the Lord that what they will hear from Him will be limited by the idols in their hearts. It is written in Ezekiel 14:4 (NIV), “Therefore speak to them and tell them, 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says: When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the Lord will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry”.
Secondly, God has designed life in such a way that what you give is what you are given. Jesus said, "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:37-38 (NKJV). Since what you give determines what you receive, you need good character to enjoy your marriage. You will notice that people don’t normally divorce because their spouses are no longer beautiful, handsome or intelligent but because of bad character. Character that is not striving towards Christ likeness will attract more troubles than blessings.
Some people may argue, "we’ve known of very good people that have unfortunately married bad people, therefore since they were good, it couldn’t be their wrong standard that made them marry these bad people." You must understand that there are many people that appear to be good because they were raised in environments that denied them opportunities for evil. Lack of opportunity to act out the evils we would have loved to do does not make us good. Evil exist in the heart and what is in the heart determines who a person is. Jesus said “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man." Luke 6:37-38 (NKJV). Therefore true character must be a pursuit of holiness of heart and actions.
How do we acquire good character? The beginning and end of good character is the fear of the Lord. The Bible says “… through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.” Proverbs 16:6 (NIV). You fear God when His pleasure is the reason why you do or not do somethings. Many people may not steal because of the fear of being caught. These kinds of people do not fear God because pleasing God is not their motivation. If the possibility of being caught is removed, they will steal. You must come to the place in which you agree with Apostle Paul statement in 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (NKJV) that says, “For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again”.
Therefore take a positive step today, renounce all hidden things of dishonesty, throw away hypocrisy, deceit and impatience. Make straight path for your feet and the Lord will fight for you and give you a spouse that will truly complement you. As you are preparing yourself to be the best gift to someone, God will cause another person to prepare herself to be the best gift to you.
Character preparation is not the only preparation needed for marriage but a most formidable preparation. We cannot accommodate other preparations in this article because of space. It is almost certain that if you begin a character preparation, you will naturally flow into others preparations needed for a good marriage. This is so because the Bible predicts someone future based on his character. Psalms 37:37 (NKJV) says “Mark the blameless man, and observe the upright; For the future of that man is peace”.
Written by Ifiok Ukobo
President: Think Right and Live Right Club and Lifebuilders Ministry
Email : tralright@gmail.com
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